1. Registering for the Forum

    We require a human profile pic upon registration on this forum.

    After registration is submitted, you will receive a confirmation email, which should contain a link to confirm your intent to register for the forum. At this point, you will not yet be registered on the forum.

    Our Support staff will manually approve your account within 24 hours, and you will get a notification. This is to prevent the many spam account signups which we receive on a daily basis.

    If you have any problems completing this registration, please email support@jackkruse.com and we will assist you.

Christmas tree journal

Discussion in 'My Optimal Journal' started by MITpowered26, Feb 27, 2019.

  1. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Morning J,

    Lets talk about music today.

    You are about to re-embark on the journey of music - voice, instruments.

    It doesn't seem relevant right now, and I know you feel insecure about that, but it is. Its important. Trust.

    You have been at this music thing for 10 years or so now, J? I know you like to excel in many things, and excel very very quickly. Its our nature. And that's fine. But this is why music will be very important for you, to teach you something else about life.

    Music is a complex act. Its a beautiful act, J. But it has been also an arduous endeavor for you, a lonely, self critical journey. In yet, you still keep coming back. Why?

    I think you sometimes think you won't, cannot, accept when you cannot achieve something. And maybe from that point of view, you are positively delusional.

    But J, I think there's more to this story than that. I think we know inherently in this music process, it has done you a lot of good. Central to that is TM, our mentor and coach. Like Jack, who has a magnificent power to show you the world of nature, TM has similarly connected you to the world of music.

    You don't have to convince anybody this is important, you just have to convince yourself. Release the burden.

    J, the act of singing is just as much about the quality of how you think, and how you feel, as it is about airflow through your larynx. To sing, and hear yourself sing, and know inside you did not reach the outcome you wanted - time and time again.. takes a toll on our psyche, no question. Maybe that is why this is so difficult and painstaking to write.

    Lets get through it. There is meaning to be found.

    ...

    fuck it. I just realized it J. I think we are still caught up the consciousness of the "reader.." and not writing for ourselves. "But people aren't going to read this post, it has nothing to fucking do with mitochondria nor nature, and you are trying hard to really convince yourself that it does"

    Just fuck it. Write j!

    OK.

    J.

    Music is important to you, TM is important to you. Nature is important to you also. Jack is important to you. That's all we need to know!

    later J (finish the thoughts maybe at a later time, ya?)
     
    Phosphene likes this.
  2. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Thoughts before the day begins J

    "You are already a functioning member of society. You have already won" - TM

    "I want to be driven, motivated, filled with passion, for good things, worthwhile things, things that will make a positive difference, and add value to the lives of others." - JK

    Take home, J. You have already won. Now do good.

    ...................

    a bit more conversation, J, and then lets sneak in a few more hours of sleep:



    I think we are coming to terms now with a lot of our history, eh? A big part of that is parenting, and a bit part of that is technology.

    This may be why we are Jekyll and Hyde... in person versus online. The technology that has allowed for an escape from learning about social skills and life.

    And finishing our thought yesterday:

    Music is good for me because it teaches me patience, a process that technology did not.

    J
     
    Jenelle likes this.
  3. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Hey Jason,

    I feel like we should give reflection space to our familial relationships right now.

    I think we are strong enough, and ready, to take a harder look at exploring the truth.

    I know giving your money to your parents freely has been your expression of how you know to “give back.” You have a generous nature about you and you always have.

    We have a complex relationship with money though, huh?

    Do you want to hear the truth? I think we are ready for it. Money to you.. giving money to your parents.. is your way of buying off the inherent dysfunction in your relationship with them - I would say more so on steroids with mom.

    You buy them off out of guilt - and because you have yet to fully care for yourself enough to make your care for them felt.

    This is okay. We are talking about it. And that’s a good thing.

    What I wish for your relationship with your mother - above all else - is to reach a place where she can feel your love and you can feel hers. Where Both of you have the capacity for that.

    I wish that for you and her while she is still alive.

    It’s up to you - you are the black sheep in the family - but that also makes you the emotional leader in the family. Even your sister, someone whom never gives you an inch of validation, once admitted YOU, jason, “have been through the most
    In life than anyone I know, Jason”. That hits you in the feels hey?

    I’ll be disappointed if you take the easy way out of this one. You have been through a lot but so has mum. She has her pain too - and you can help her - for sure.

    Love,
    J
     
  4. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Hey J,

    Two things that are on my mind I want to discuss with you J.

    1.

    That one and only patient you shared your journal with last week. He's been reading it, ya? I don't know if it's helping him, but certainly, he has opened up about his personal history in a big big way yesterday hey? So maybe it helped built your trust with him and showed him that you have nothing to hide, and that you are also human too. If he reads this today, your patient needs to know we are VERY proud of him and that he is on the right track - and we are there for him.

    You need to know you are actually an awesome person, J. Yes, I'm writing to brag to you. Because you need to know that. That is all.

    2.

    I realized some other things J. Firstly, I believe in your own way, you work very very hard at what matters most to you, y'know? I'm not taking that away from you, I think this is a strength. But what I would like to see, is that you "add to that." Remember when we were children? Remember when whenever we would be in the supermarket with mom and dad, we would always ask to go to the magazine isle and look for the MADTV comic books? Remember the back page segment called "The lighter side of..." YAH. They were funny! And that lighter side to you exists. You just have to find it and cultivate it!

    Because the heavy lifting is GREAT! And I know you enjoy it! But you will miss out on all the lighter things in life if we do not explore things like that!

    That is all.

    Have a good day J,
    xo
     
    Christine_L likes this.
  5. Jack Kruse

    Jack Kruse Administrator

    Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it..........for what it really is. Observing nature in her raw form taught me that her many realities hidden behind a wall of perception. That vision is created not just what we see, but what we hold to be true. I learned from Nature that it is ideal to hide your best secrets; this is why I like seeing people when they can't see the real me. You might begin to watch the world around you with glittering eyes because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. I watch nature in her raw form at every sunrise. I never miss this lesson.

    [​IMG]
     
    Lite Nomad likes this.
  6. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    To jack and jason:

    I was literally just about to repost that for meditation right now. haha. see below:
     
  7. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    "I learned from Nature that it is ideal to hide your best secrets; this is why I like seeing people when they can't see the real me. You might begin to watch the world around you with glittering eyes because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places."

    As Jack has dropped this message, it makes us more curious hey J?

    It puts us in a bit of a challenging predicament, hey?

    Baring my soul. Oversharing. Sharing things that are both true and authentic, and sharing things that later realized to be disingenuous red herrings of helping to understand us.

    So I ask, J, what for? What purpose does over sharing have? What place does this come from? Whom does this serve?

    Too much info is like an info dump, J. The truth is nobody has time, interest, patience, capacity, to assimilate every minutia of your life, however important that minutia may be to your life. NOR does over-sharing actually help.

    So why? Are we fearful of our own thoughts? Do we expect to dump our timeline onto others, to then help them "keep track" of it all FOR YOU, the history, and then provide you with reiteration of lessons and reminders? Ya. That is totally it isn't it. It's a bit..ummm..lazy.

    The truth though, JASON, is that it doesn't serve you in the end. Its ineffectual. Its from a place of weakness.

    Puzzling.

    Here's where I stand with it J. Here's the lesson. Secrets are about bonding, aren't they? Its meant be a very special, sacred, intimate piece of truth for a limited audience, ya? When we learn to hold own greatest secrets to OURSELVES ONLY, we are loving ourselves, paying homage to our relationship.. privacy is a real thing! haha. I know. new concept!

    With respect to the outside looking in, with respect to other people peering in, there is something to be said for the process of discovery in comparison to that of the process of being given. Vastly different.

    What's different though? What purpose does a wall of perception have?

    Well.. lets save that truth for ourselves.

    :)

    xoox
    J
     
  8. Glad you are going for the cottage, Jason! Much better idea.

    Having lost a parent already, I can tell you thinking about it now does nothing for you. You have to encounter your parents as people NOW. Not as your parents. Think of what you can do NOW to experience your relationship as an adult. How are you making it comfortable and good whenever you are together? You should take your mom out on a mother-son date. Take her out for oysters and wine. She loves you even when she bothers you.

    As for your dad, do as much as you can with him. He needs you too. You're his male protege.
     
    Phosphene and drezy like this.
  9. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Thankyou
     
  10. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    J

    Parting words before we wind down for the evening. It's been interesting, soulful tonight.

    A throw-down at moms house about reckless spending, and dooms of my business.. A 3 year old that shit his pants without a diaper on... and seeing mom handle the stink like a boss..amazing..(while I attempted to help but couldn't handle my severe gag reflex) seeing my dad hurt his back..getting blamed irrationally for it, but not taking it personally and loving them anyway. ya. makes you forget about the stress of the work day eh? Time is short when you start seeing with clarity.

    I think I get their concern though about my finances. There is one thing to spend on experiences, mentorship. No question that is not something I'm giving up. But, the clip we are spending on eating out is frighteningly unsustainable.. (albeit it has been all good seafood, so I don't really feel bad about it). I think we are ready, J, to finally step up on this challenge of our life.

    1. Cool it on the dining out J. Find some good groceries and learn to cook. Make it simple and easy, but do. We got this.

    2. I think we are gonna give up on fashion. Cut that shit at the head of the snake. We have outspent our necessity to survive with clothing for a lifetime, and then some... its an urbanized habit J, a social trapping. that is all.

    Above all Jay, when you have the urge to spend on things.. just stop to connect with yourself first .. the rest will take care of itself.

    A final hierarchal life plan J. Everything and everyone should fit within it, or ditch it.

    1. Self care (chase the sun, chase Ct, seafood, sleep, the principles, etc).

    2. Work - take care of it. its your lifeline to the freedom of time you desire.

    3. Hobbies: Writing. Reading. Meditation. Music. Don't overthink it, just learn to PLAY, J.

    night man,
    xox
     
    Christine_L and Phosphene like this.
  11. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

  12. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    09ED83FE-A842-4465-830F-DFA728CFA25C.jpeg

    Oh hello pops. Get better.
     
    Jack Kruse, Christine_L and Phosphene like this.
  13. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Sup J,

    Signs are pointing upwards for us ya. I recognize and you recognize this. The small things we are building grit, resilience, to accomplish. I suppose that's called "growing the fuck up?" ya. Grabbing the emf meter from the condo when it wasn' t convenient. Grabbing gas instead of putting it off. Having the courage to have a heart to heart with your pharmacist, your greatest work challenge you've faced in business yet - and on that note, navigating the relationship with him through your gut, and not via the millions of opinions that don't fit with you and him and your style and your guys relationship. I'm proud we had that conversation today man!

    Signing off,
    love ya man
    xo
    j
     
    Christine_L likes this.
  14. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member



    for YOU J, repeat after me, you are a good guy, too.
     
    Phosphene likes this.
  15. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    J,

    Important coffee date this morning. Two actually.

    May we have the capacity to listen today, and hear, and feel their story.

    May we have the wisdom to share.

    May we have the strength and honesty to take care of us wholly, and then theirs.

    May we see the beauty. May we hear the music.

    May we rise to the highest truth that the universe seeks from us.

    May we just be.

    --

    Our purpose is coming to light eh ? Our self-belief? The universe has given us so fucking much goodness from cradle to grave to cradle again. Time to shift. We are ready. So much beauty, so much beauty.
     
    Christine_L and Phosphene like this.
  16. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Real talk J,

    Let's set the table.

    Just stop and forget EVERYTHING and EVERYONE for a second. This is ME and U. Be serious.

    We have further signal that the cottage is yours for the taking.. tomorrow or Saturday will be full confirmation. signs are also pointing to it being a good zip zode for living. We will confirm the readings a second time in the weeks to come with our patient/electrician friend ya?

    But lets assume those two pieces fall into place...

    You are about to embark on a new journey, a new experience, a new exploration, most of all, a clean slate at giving yourself a fighting chance at a healthy life....

    I know we are FREAKING OUT inside over dooms of failure, loneliness, perceived personal weaknesses.

    Assume there will be challenges. Times when "reality" and "gravity" sets in. Maybe the long drive won't feel rosy all the time. Change that. Put on some of plethora of podcasts on quantum B. Play good music.

    Assume there will be times you will doubt your decision. (And accept there are doubters and haters around you that are gunning for you to fail.) Change that. Realize there is no plan b. City life is no longer an option. You are off meds. You want this. You need this. YOU GOT THIS. YOU GOT THIS.

    Assume you will have moments where you are "bored," where you are "restless," where you are "scared" and live in "fear." Take the pressure off. See it like a curious expedition. That is the time to hold your self close and EVEN TIGHTER THAN EVER BEFORE.

    JJ Redick of the NOLA pelicans summed it up beautifully yesterday, directed at the rookie Zion Williamson after a recent workout, that he wanted to keep his playoff streak going: "Don't fuck this up for me, man."

    Nuff said. Your life depends on this critical step. Fuck, lets get gritty...your REDOX depends on it.

    J
     
  17. RMW

    RMW New Member

    Go out there and take what is rightfully yours, J.
     
  18. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Thankyou RMW
     
  19. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    SLEEP LOG:

    930pm to 430am.
    feel really good.
     
    Phosphene and Christine_L like this.
  20. Jack Kruse

    Jack Kruse Administrator

    Nature's disorder creates connections to living things──that is what resonance is.
    Strong words are useless to a strong mind. Strong actions resonate with it.
    Begin by doing. There is no try with me.
     
    Hunger4More and Phosphene like this.

Share This Page