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Chris' Journal

Discussion in 'My Optimal Journal' started by cjmorin, Sep 18, 2017.

  1. cjmorin

    cjmorin New Member

    Hello everybody!

    I'm Chris, and have been lurking here for the past three months or so, absorbing much more information (and consequently full-spectrum sunshine) than I have in a long time. I value the communication that happens here and the true desire of other members to pursue their own personal growth while supporting the growth of one another! I am looking forward to adding to the discourse as time goes by.

    About Me
    I'm Chris, a 32 year old massage therapist, personal trainer and I have been a nutrition and health junkie for the better part of 14 years. I am tall, fair skinned with light blue eyes and medium brown hair, British and Italian heritage, as well as a bit of Native American in there. My 23&Me report says that I have more Neanderthal in me than most (ooga!).

    I am generally quite energetic, I am physically fit and strong, very funny, quick-witted and engaging and have always enjoyed learning new things and keeping up on current science. I have also struggled for most of my adult life with social anxiety, depression, making and keeping friends and other fear/panic related challenges and low dopamine-type behaviors like alcohol and sex addiction and the never ending quest for "more" or "better".

    This very well may have a lot to do with my birth trauma (more below), my job (picking up energetic baggage like some sort of Tantric trash man) and undoubtedly with my less-than-stellar environment (raised on video games, voluntarily surrounded myself with innovative lighting products that not only incorporate LEDs but also BT and WIFI!!, and I'm a recovering blue-light-at-night addict, all in the ironic pursuit of learning about health!)

    Just last week I had a series of what I believe were my first real panic attacks, that is, the sudden and overwhelming feeling of intense anxiety and dread that started in my solar plexus and moved up into my chest, heart and head, leading to what felt like AFib and the convincing notion that I was surely going to keel over and croak at any second. This has happened only a handful of times so far, but my neurological system feels like it is now hyper vigilant and I have been feeling strong negative effects from stimuli that normally do not hit me so drastically (things like smoking weed, even strains with very low THC, staying up too late, eating crap foods, etc.)

    Admittedly, I did not originally come here seeking answers to these problems, but found the site through a search on DHEA after reading much about it on the Ray Peat forums. I definitely feel as though my neuroses are directly linked to the fact that I have essentially become a creebling blue-lit cave dwarf that is relegated to a life of watching other people through electronic portals rather than actually meeting them in person. Isn't that what the kids are all about, nowadays?

    My sleep is often quite terrible and I do not fall asleep quickly or get very tired until late at night. This has been a constant struggle for me.

    Libido is high as it ever was, and perhaps even more so since experimenting with a few upstream topical hormones a la Peat. I will be tapering this off as I become more thoroughly steeped in the lessons here. I recognize (albeit not in an entirely graceful way, yet) that hormones are essentially a chemical translation of light and circadian rhythm signals. Thus, any exogenous hormones, aside from the fundamental building blocks provided by diet, should not be required as I become more sensitive to the natural cycles around me and produce what is needed inside.


    My Grandmother's History
    I know little about her or her life experience, but she did not seem to be a very resilient or energetic woman, and was prone towards narcissism. She liked to show us clothing and things that she bought for herself and pictures of where she went. I tend to think she probably suffered from social anxiety and some type of mood disorder.

    She moved to Florida after having a double mastectomy and bypass surgery and lived for several more years, eventually passing in her late 70's or early 80's. I have to imagine that even the unintentional intense sunlight helped to prolong her life after her move.


    My Mother's History
    My mom is a lovely woman who has thankfully not struggled with many health-related challenges for her 70 years of life so far. She had a child at 18, another at 23 and finally me (with my dad) at 38. She has mentioned in passing that she had pretty severe postpartum depression after giving birth to me, and the process itself was not without it's challenges. I was breach, strangled by the umbilical cord and essentially my brain was dead, all before I even started. Not the best introduction to the world.

    I believe that she has stayed healthy for so long because of her intense love of nature and animals, intentional time spent outside and lots of love and laughter at home. It was not without it's challenges, as helping to run a family business (as I was doing for the last decade or so) with my father is extremely stressful at times.

    Lately, she has only really suffered from issues with balance and dizziness. I think this may be due to something in her inner ear, and perhaps more frequent usage of technology and nnEMF. She has become sort of a gadget fiend lately, too, finally matching my father's love of all things technological.


    My Initial Steps
    I just recently moved to Portland, ME from the Berkshires in NW MA. My girlfriend and I love it here, and I value the availability of fresh seafood and summertime sunshine. That said, the window for this season is quickly closing, and I am looking forward to getting more involved in CT this winter to compensate for it. I am currently seeking a very large animal drinking trough or watertight barrel to use as my CT lab this winter!

    We live on the third floor of a three apartment house in a suburban neighborhood in a relatively dense school district. I do not know the light/nnEMF conditions for my downstairs neighbors, or if the house has a Smart Meter. I do know that I can pick up only 4 WIFI networks including my own from where we usually spend time. Those other signals are quite weak, as well, for which I am thankful.

    I have replaced all but a few hardwired lamps with 2200K Edison-style incandescent bulbs, most on dimmers, for additional control.

    I have begun turning off Wifi and Cable modem before bed.

    We do not watch TV ever, but I work on my phone many hours per day and we occasionally watch movies on a 10' projector screen in ourliving room (lettin that Geek flag fly). I wear blue blocker sunglasses during any nighttime activity, especially those involving blue light like movie time. I downregulate blue as much as possible on all my devices, although I know this is only partially effective.

    I use an app that is ironically called Appblocker to completely eliminate my usage of devices at night past 9pm. I even had my girlfriend set the password so that I cannot uninstall it! We set our phones on airplane at night or turn them completely off.

    I keep my cell on airplane mode when in my pocket for extended periods of time.

    I am in the process of reading John Ott's book and have already taken the time to watch several videos regarding his observations...fascinating stuff. I was browsing earlier and learning about potential cancer-promoting effects of "pink" light and thought a lot about the effects that colors and light frequencies have on us. I tend to wear very natural colors, drab or earthy tones with a bias towards green, blue or gray.

    I have a couple NIR bulbs that I like to spend time under before bed. We own a fancy-schmancy Biomat, which I use in small doses, as I feel pretty crummy if I am on it too long while dehydrated.

    I tried keto about a year ago during the winter and it did not serve me so well, and based on what I have read here so far I am starting to see why...poor sleep regulation, poor hydration from poor quality water, lack of frequent cold, terrible availability of natural light, little to no integration of DHA and mineral-rich foods from the sea, etc. I plan to try again this winter with the incorporation of loads of seafood, better hydration with RO water and a large reduction in nnEMF and out-of-cycle blue light.

    I plan to install a countertop RO system so that I can better control my ingestion of fluoride. I have already been using a ZenWater system, which seems to be pretty fantastic for just about everything but Fluoride, so it's time to step up.


    My Concerns Moving Forward
    I am worried about this long Maine winter. Portland is at 43.6 degrees, which is higher than I have ever lived long-term, but not by much. That said, I believe that my fair complexion and pale eyes will make the most out of any light that is provided in this environment, and will do my best to expose my body when there are appropriate opportunities to do so.

    I have considered getting a tanning membership, but lack the devices needed to check for nnEMF in the beds. I really would rather avoid tanning, but also cannot really lie out naked anywhere around my apartment to maximize wintertime light absorption. Guidance on this point is appreciated.



    Thanks to Dr. Jack for his brilliant and nuanced insights into the true functioning of the world! I feel like I have been preparing to read these blogs for the last decade. Thanks again to all the highly active members here whose observations and n=1s have been so thoughtfully shared!

    Chris
     

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