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Apocashitstorm Tour

Discussion in 'My Optimal Journal' started by DockMD, Jun 1, 2019.

  1. DockMD

    DockMD That’s the reason why

    Apocashitstorm Tour, Day 1

    So here's the first entry in my journal. I'm writing this actually through a portable dictation device as I stand out on a sunnied walkway jutting out into a pond near our apartment building. In my right hand is a Phillips digital pocket memo (non-wifi version), and in my left is a 750 mL glass bottle of Perrier Lime. Don’t know why that is important, but there it is.

    I guess some information about myself should be given. I am thirty-one years old. I am a physician trained in allopathic medicine and have an MD from the University of Illinois College of medicine. I am currently a PGY2 internal medicine resident (will be a PGY3 on July 1, which is thirty days from now). I have a wife and two beautiful young children. I'm also an aspiring novelist who has no less than three novels finished or almost finished but unedited. Up until about October 2018, I was planning on pursuing a fellowship in critical care medicine. For several reasons, one of which being my sub-optimal health, I decided to forgo additional training, and after several months of searching, signed a contract with a rural hospital in South Dakota to be an outpatient and inpatient internist starting in July/August 2020.

    I would say that my goals so far as becoming a Platinum Klub member are to become a more active participant in this community and quite frankly to be able to interface with Doctor Jack more directly. My primary goal in becoming a Platinum Klub member actually wasn't necessarily to find new ways to help my patients (although I have incorporated much of Doctor Jack's teachings into my practice insofar as I'm able to do so). I have actually been reading and listening to most of his content for a very long time despite not being a member of these forums. Anyway here are some of my personal goals:

    - I've long struggled with overweight. This has been more or less a problem since childhood. I have been on and off many different diets over the years with varying short and intermediate term success. However having not been able to maintain what I would feel like is a healthy body weight for the long-term, hence why when I came across JK’s Vermont 2017 video, I was intrigued. I’ve since given up keto, intermittent fasting, paleo, etc. I don’t think food matters anymore.

    - Another goal of mine would be to get better control over my lifelong struggle with obsessive-compulsive disorder and anxiety. My OCD was bad enough at one point that I had to take a leave of absence from medical school for an entire year to get treatment. I want to get off the ADHD medication I’ve been taking since college and the low-dose beta blocker I’ve been taking for anxiety for the past 7 years.

    - I would like to build a better relationship with my wife. We've been married for almost 7 years now. I find that marriage can be quite a challenge when juggling a career in medicine (meaning a career as a physician). I would say that our marriage is better off than many if not most of my colleagues, but could always improve. I think it would also help my children to see us get along better as well. My wife has her own health challenges. Challenges which I think are extremely common among Caucasian women in their late twenties here in the Midwest. I've tried to get her out in the sun more with me and removing toxic lighting from our apartment, reducing our EMF exposure, etc. Unfortunately she has yet to buy into many or most of these efforts, and to the extent that I've been able to retool our environment, it has involved much compromise. What complicates is disagreements about our children and how much they should be interfacing with modern technology and also my efforts to reduce their blue light exposure. Nonetheless I have made some changes and will continue to try for others as we move forward.

    - Another one of my goals is to finish my first novel and self publish it. Procrastination is really a huge problem for me. And for some reason with writing, I feel like I have let various fears and OCD tendencies to get in the way of progress. It is a constant source of anxiety and disappointment that after almost 5 years of writing I still haven't been able to get over the finish line with this book.

    Anyway that's about all I can think of right now. I am getting ready to head to a tractor supply depot to pick up a galvanized steel tub I will be using to possibly start CT. My wife and kids are out of town until tomorrow. Still have work to do on the television in our living room. For some reason it keeps turning on and off by itself. Might have something to do with the fact that I took it apart on Friday and removed the wireless networking card. Seems without a RF emitting device, smart TVs turn into retarded TVs. Nonetheless I don't know that my wife will be happy that our 50 inch flat screen brand-new TV now doesn't work properly. I find myself wondering whether the fact that it doesn't work is really bad thing.
  2. Lahelada

    Lahelada New Member

    It looks like this will be a very interesting journal to read!
    I hope you will get into CT. It is vital in your profession I think. I got into it late for various reasons and do regret that.
    Alex97232, DockMD and drezy like this.
  3. Jack Kruse

    Jack Kruse Administrator

    Jump without your wings........and watch what happens.

    Someone with OCD will think this advice is completely undoable.

    This is why it must be done.

    I do it all the time.

    I am doing it right now.
  4. JanSz

    JanSz Gold

    My fingers are crossed for you @DockMD and your family.

    . upload_2019-6-2_7-39-12.png
    DockMD likes this.
  5. DockMD

    DockMD That’s the reason why

    Apocashitstorm Tour, Day 2

    Today is my last day off for a long time. I'll be in the medical intensive care unit tomorrow at 6 AM. I've spent a huge portion of my residency in the ICU and it's become more and more unbearable everyday. The place is an absolute hellhole of non-native EMF. Almost every patient room is completely dark and devoid of sunlight. Half the patients who aren’t intubated are delirious. The protocol for treating delirium seems to include turning on an LED television to a video of a waterfall and blasting "relaxing" music loud enough to make you want to throw your head through a plate glass window. When this invariably doesn’t calm the patient, drugs and restraints are employed. If that sounds horrifying, I can tell you with certainty that your hospital probably does the same thing.

    And the general (non-ICU) floors are no better. Multiple times per week on the general inpatient service, one of my interns gets a call about a patient in one of the "sitter" rooms (rooms where confused/delirious patients are babysat by a low IQ, minimum wage individual tasked with keeping them from getting out of bed or pulling out their IVs or feeding tubes). Invariably the calls these junior doctors get is about a patient whom the sitters cannot redirect and are too troublesome or violent for the nursing staff to handle. Usually the nurse’s agenda is to get an order for haloperidol and/or physical restraints. Before I let them do that, I usually investigate the situation myself. Usually, I find the patient rooms completely devoid of sunlight (thick shades are drawn across large bay windows). This is even in the middle of the day. Usually the sitters have the patient’s TV remote and are watching some soap opera, reality show, or other form of Cro-Mag level entertainment.

    What's sad is that even paradigm medical studies show that exposure to sunlight reduces delirium in hospitalized patients. Yet hospitals don’t even follow paradigm-produced evidence. The preference is strongly in favor of Haldol, Seroquel, and Geodon.

    I have of course complained through official channels about the situation and nothing has been done. That’s too bad, but not surprising. Sadly I can’t press the issue or I’ll get complaints from the nursing staff. In the new America, it doesn’t matter if you are correct, only if you are polite.

    The best days in the ICU or when you have two or three patients. Finish rounding around 8 o'clock in the morning and then sit around writing absolutely mind-numbing notes for 2 to 3 hours. Around noon, maybe you can go get something to eat (or walk outside). Sadly I can't remember the last time I had only two or three patients on my side of the ICU. At our hospital the census has been getting busier and busier, and most days, the hospital is full.

    Today I finished cleaning out my balcony and put out the hillbilly hot tub (aka rubber 100-gall stock tank). I was thinking of doing CT in the bathtub, but I decided not to. I have a strong disgust and disdain for bathtubs which I can't fully explain. So once I fill the hillbilly hot tub, I will be doing regular CT. For now, I have some older webinars to review. I find myself more and more thankful for the level of complexity of JK's lectures. Each time I listen, I know they were made for people like me. Laypeople have little to no hope of ever fully understanding the material. Maybe they'll get a few practical applications on the periphery, but in terms of truly understanding, that is really only for people like me. It makes me grateful that I paid attention and valued my preclinical medical education. Preclinical studies like biochemistry and embryology are widely considered by allopathic medical students to be the most worthless part of their training. Ironically, it’s turned out to be the only valuable part of mine.

    As I look across the pond now, I can see the waitresses cleaning tables outside the Mexican restaurant. It’s getting close to noon. In a little less than an hour, hundreds of people will be sitting under umbrellas and drinking margaritas. The shade from the table of umbrellas and the awning of the restaurant is such that the people will require a line of forty-two LED lights to illuminate their table. This is despite the fact that it is nearing solar noon on a cloudless 82° day.

    It's hard to shake the feeling that I'm living in a dying country.
    Last edited: Jun 2, 2019
  6. Lahelada

    Lahelada New Member

    All the best for the days ahead. CT will be your friend when you finish every day.
  7. JanSz

    JanSz Gold

    In the new America, it doesn’t matter if you are correct, only if you are polite.
    Today I finished cleaning out my balcony and put out the hillbilly hot tub (aka rubber 100-gall stock tank).
    1 gallon of fresh water is about 8.36 pounds
    Alex97232, Phosphene and Lahelada like this.
  8. JanSz

    JanSz Gold

    79yo + 3 days
    currently happy, healthy, active sexually, mentally ok (I think)
    In my
    An advance healthcare directive, also known as living will, personal directive, advance directive, medical directive or advance decision,
    I have request to
    do not resuscitate if I can't get back my faculties in three days
    doctor argues (that he needs $$) so I should go for 2-3 weeks
    is that too long?
    does that even make sense?
    is life after being resusitated even worth living?

    drezy, Phosphene and Lahelada like this.
  9. Inna

    Inna Platinum

    Welcome, so glad to see another md on this site.
    You made right decision to not pursue Icu training. I am a Pulmonary/ Icu doc, did my training over 20 years ago, can say it is progressively getting worse - patients are much sicker and younger and loaded with emf. Saving lives is hardly an option any longer.
    I think if you open your own practice in some rural area you’d have flexibility of applying quantum medicine and really helping your patient and would have more satisfaction.
    I like your writing style!
    Best wishes, inna
    shah78, Alex97232, Lahelada and 3 others like this.
  10. Inna

    Inna Platinum

    DNR is the way to go.
    Even 1 day is too long. Is life after resuscitation worth living? I don’t think so.
    Google chronic critical illness, this is how most people who were unfortunate enough to survive resuscitation end up. I am much younger than you are and fairly healthy and I am DNR for sure.
  11. DockMD

    DockMD That’s the reason why

    Thank you Inna. I am happy about it as well. I have had serious concerns about moving that far North (44°N) but then there is also a very low population and very poor functioning 3G network.
  12. drezy

    drezy Gold

    I'm still looking into this...
  13. Lahelada

    Lahelada New Member

    I don't know if you have read enough here yet to have come across this but a poorly functioning 3G network helps only if you are not a heavy user. The cellphone when only just in range will crank up to its highest level/emit most radiation to find the nearest cell.
    I would imagine that you cannot get around the use of your cellphone. Be mindful how/where you carry it. You get the biggest spike at switching it on, maybe even at switching off,I am not sure if anyone has measured that. I would think the announcement that it is going off grid to be pretty important though and for it to cause the same spike therefore.
    To use it you may want to invest in an airtube headset. Maybe some docs would like to chime in how they handle on call duty if applicable to you, especially at night? Landline calls,rerouted calls, beepers?
    Last edited: Jun 3, 2019
    Phosphene, Sean Waters and drezy like this.
  14. DockMD

    DockMD That’s the reason why

    Apocashitstorm Tour, Day 3

    Flipped out on my wife early today. She left that fucking horrendous ultrabright LED on in the living room, and I walked right into it at 5am this morning. Really put me in an awful mood right off the bat.

    Other than that, the day has been pretty terrible. The ICU is missing a resident so everyone has more work. I think I am starting to truly despise residency and even medicine itself. I’ve been burned-out before, but this is more than that. I hate every second I spend in that awful hospital. The patients are extremely sick and most of what we do is rearrange deck chairs. And don’t get me started on the attendings and how much life they waste on rounds. I swear if you had a whole day where doctors didn’t come to the hospital, the patients would probably do better.

    I wore my Ra optics with red tints to work today as I always do when in the ICU. Plain old clear daytime blue blockers don’t cut it. It’s also interesting to me how absolutely dehydrated I am everyday. I drink 2-3 large smart waters then half a 12 pack of Perrier Lime at home after work.

    That’s pretty much it.
    shah78 and Lahelada like this.
  15. Ed Pomicter

    Ed Pomicter New Member

    Life in a hospital with residency programs is not what all of medicine is like (fortunately).

    Agree with feeling like it is a dying country....was saying to my wife yesterday that it feels like we are in a combination Idiocracy and Groundhog Day life with a bit of Zombie Apocalypse thrown in ;-) Sit in any shopping area parking lot and watch the people, old and young, barely hobbling by....better yet watch the staff going into the hospital...hard to discern from the patients.

    Dealing with call/night duties: I switch from my normal Ra or Carbonshades to Dave-the salesman-Asbury's true dark super dark shades if I can deal with that level of dark and still do my job; get outside to ground when I can; planning on actually getting a tiny house on wheels to put out in the far end of the parking lot to sleep in rather than in the dungeon call room; try to spend as much time outside on post call day; at all times get any phones off of my body and onto a table or desk away from me whenever possible

    Best advice I got before going to med school from docs (I was a unit secretary and phlebotomist so knew lots of docs well)....spend more time with your family than you think that you need to.

    I am fortunate that my wife (together as a couple for 31 years) is more hard core about this stuff than me (although CT is not on the top of her "fun list"...and we have both evolved/changed in our beliefs and thinking over the years. If your wife is pushing back, don't oppose force with force (you throwing a shit fit is not helpful)....ask for her help in this experiment that you are doing to try to get yourself healthier.

    Get rid of that f'n TV....second best move you will ever make. First best move is to homeschool your kids instead of sending them to an indoctrination camp (public or private).

    Replace all of the LED's CFLs with incandescent to reduce blue light and try to keep peace while moving in the right direction.....one step every day. Knowing what you know, why do you still have any of those bulbs in your house? Low hanging fruit!!
    Alex97232, DockMD, Lahelada and 2 others like this.
  16. JanSz

    JanSz Gold


    DockMD said:
    "I drink 2-3 large smart waters then half a 12 pack of Perrier Lime at home after work."

    dr Boros:
    drinks 0.2-0.25 liter/day

    time 27:00
    body makes metabolic water, 3000 gallons/day(time 29:00)

    keto-head is newer thirsty, pee like a horse <<<===========
    note this important tid bit

    He wants to see 7-10 ppm difference between breath and saliva

    90% people develop diabetes insipidus (because they drink too much water)
    diabetis insipidus (do not have ADH, AntiDiureticHormone)(1:32:50), because they drink too much water

    Sitting, doing nothing, produce 1.0-1.5L of water a day. 1:34:05
    Running marathon, produces 20L
    Marathon=13 miles, takes about 2 hours. So 20Liters of water is made during 2 hrs.

    if you drink, that prevents body’s water production and lowers ADH, ATP engines are not rotating
    you are left without metabolic water (1:35:40)
    Stop drinking that much water. (1:35:19)
    But make sure that you pee like a horse

    Clinical Refractometer ATC Tri-Scale Serum Protein 0-12 g/100ml Urine Specific Gravity SG 1.000-1.050 Refractive Index 1.333-1.360RI for Veterinary, Dog, Cat & Human w/Extra LED Light & Pipette


    Oct 2-2018 Deuterium Depletion with Dr. Que Collins and Dr. Laszlo Boros.pdf
    194 The Deuterium Podcast - Cancer Prevention Hack with Dr. T. Que Collins.pdf

    Links to videos are within pdf's


    Wonder if I could talk you into making (and publishing here) semi-protocol out of this (and number of other) scattered informations.
    @DockMD is likely not ready to spend his next 3 years in PDC, would be more practical to do the best possible at his place of residence.
    Last edited: Jun 4, 2019
    DockMD likes this.
  17. Jack Kruse

    Jack Kruse Administrator

    I'm not so sure I agree with the relationship stuff in here...........but I am sure about this.........

    When Nature takes out the trash, we shouldn't go digging back through it. Trust Her implicitly.
    Alex97232 and DockMD like this.
  18. JanSz

    JanSz Gold

    It is not about the current generation, it is about future generations.

    What we have now is real close to
    Hitler Youth
  19. DrEttinger

    DrEttinger Platinum

    JanSz, I'll take a look but I can't make any promises.
    JanSz and drezy like this.
  20. DockMD

    DockMD That’s the reason why

    Apocashitstorm Tour, Day 4

    It turns out that Jack Kruse was right about septic shock being a severe form of adrenal fatigue. https://emcrit.org/pulmcrit/metabolic-sepsis-resuscitation/

    I only bring that up because I happened to be listening to an old podcast where he made this statement, and I remember linking that statement to this trial. No doubt I would be laughed at if I said that to one of my attendings.

    No other updates from today. Just another nightmarish, soul-crushing day taking care of very sick people who have 0 hope getting any meaningful recovery with modern "evidence-based" medicine.
    shah78, JanSz and DrEttinger like this.

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