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After 9 months

Discussion in 'My Optimal Journal' started by drezy, Nov 15, 2017.

  1. drezy

    drezy New Member

    It only gets in the way of nude solar exposure.
    Cuffy and Jenelle like this.
  2. Inger

    Inger Silver

    :rofl: .... :rofl:....
    but that is so true!! Yeah! Dont let anything come in between :) :) :)
  3. @drezy if I only knew what I know now when my father was still alive I think I would be going through what you are experiencing. It sounds terrible but after awhile I let go of the thought he would change behaviors but only held the desire to let him be comfortable and enjoy life. I didnt think I could help him, he was too far gone. Writing this now breaks my heart. His health was not good and I felt like his spirits were more important to maintain than his body. Unfortunately I dont think I did a good enough job of helping his spirits because of my own lack of patience and selfishness.

    Still, a keto diet, grounding and blue blockers would have helped him significantly. I often think he might have listened to me and tried it out. Though given all the medications he was on, it might not have helped. It's really sad.
    drezy likes this.
  4. JanSz

    JanSz Gold

    My Mom died (unexpectedly to me) in Mar 2005 at 95yo.
    Mom lived with us for her last 25 years.
    Had I knew then what I do know now, the whole household, and especially my Mom, we would all have been in a panic for a long time.
    Instead, I took her calmly to the ER for what we all thought was a simple heavy cold.
    It newer dawned at me to call ER service.
    Mom walked herself to a wheelchair.
    I was wondering what the nurse was talking about when she took me aside, preparing me for my Mom's death.
    The nurse knew, recognized that at first look, I did not.
    I have paid for that lack of knowledge for a long time, but my Mom was spared unnecessary stress.
    I about less than one hour in ICU she lost consciousness, her heart was slowing down for a few hours until it stopped.

    caroline and drezy like this.
  5. :tears: The wounds never heal when we love those we lost.
    caroline and drezy like this.
  6. LieselK

    LieselK Titanium Member

    In the end we all die no matter what we do in the interim. I have old parents. I'm the youngest of 5 kids so they are grandparent age compared to my peers' parents. They won't change their ways and it isn't my job to change them. I share things, but love them where they are, as they are. Take whatever time you have with them and spend it wisely. You can waste a lot of time, energy and resources for a few extra days, maybe years of life that you've just squandered by trying to hold on so tightly to making them "better".

    Be together. Tell stories. Write them down. Find the joy. Love them how they want loved, not how you want to love them.
    Phosphene, JanSz, Cuffy and 1 other person like this.
  7. drezy

    drezy New Member

    What?!?! No ***Spoiler Warning *** before that?

    Thanks a lot!
    LieselK, Cuffy and Jenelle like this.
  8. drezy

    drezy New Member

    I'll heal.
    I am prone to scar though.
  9. brookway17

    brookway17 Silver

    @drezy so sorry to hear about your parents health problems. It is very difficult to change peoples attitudes after they have been brainwashed for their entire lives by their TV sets. Our healthcare system, largely big Pharma which controls the whole game, really twist up their minds.
    drezy likes this.
  10. LieselK

    LieselK Titanium Member

    Sorry about that one! At least now you know!
    Jenelle and drezy like this.
  11. drezy

    drezy New Member

    I really appreciate your perspective and like talking with you Pete. I'm glad we met.

    I'm very close to getting you set up as my first ever beta tester. I need to do one more build on windows.

    It's important to me to identify what things I can change for the better. There is a seemingly infinite number of things that I can not.
    brookway17 likes this.
  12. drezy

    drezy New Member

    Looks like I own lightochondria.com and the onus is on me to move it forward. Let's see if I manage to pull it off or fuck this up.

  13. drezy

    drezy New Member

    You don't know what we can see.

    Phosphene and Jenelle like this.
  14. caroline

    caroline Moderator

    So true ....I grieve everyday for the loss of my DH. I remember him everyone morning at sunrise and wish I could have done more - but I didn’t know better then.

    I know better now ....
    Christine_L and drezy like this.
  15. JanSz

    JanSz Gold

    You have lost your husband, I have lost my wife, it breaks our hearts but that is still much better than having marriage ended in divorce.

    Christine_L, caroline and drezy like this.
  16. Jenelle

    Jenelle Evolving

    I clicked on that video, having no idea what it was. As soon as that music kicked in, it brought an instant smile to my face this morning. That’s a good one. I have added it to my playlist! Thank you. :)
    drezy and Phosphene like this.
  17. Jenelle

    Jenelle Evolving

    And then, I don’t know why, but it reminded me of this song from Guardians of the Galaxy. So I have added it to my playlist as well. You know, some songs are just feel good songs? And you don’t really know why ... or what they’re even saying sometimes. I finally had to remove the one about the apple-bottom jeans and the boots with the fur. I heard it enough times that it didn’t make me feel good anymore. LOL

    drezy and Phosphene like this.
  18. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    I had a 50/50 chance and my redox-fueled intuition was wrong. So much for that.

    I get it though—it’s so exhausting and frustrating to try forcing change, and dealing with debilitating decline. I have a lot more to say about the our roles within our extended families—the duty, obligation, stress and guilt involved in caregiving—but I don’t feel it all coming yet. As you well know our heritage places especially hard demands and expectations for familial elder care, and judgement/shame if those expectations aren’t met. My mom and her two siblings went through utter hell taking turns caring for their parents, who insisted on staying in their own home. Well at least Dedo did. He retained most of his mental faculties until the very end at 101, with just the last few months in a nursing home when he needed constant critical care. Baba was completely oblivious and mostly belligerent for her last 10 years till 97. She was kicked out of hospice several times and ultimately did die in the hospital, not her home. It was beyond heartbreaking.

    It’s one of the reasons I’ve hinted at forming a mitochondriac community somewhere (maybe several somewheres). As I saw at the ashram it’s so much easier to care for ailing people within a small community. But I’ve sensed mostly discouragement here, and for good reason I guess. People can be difficult no matter how likeminded. And people change.

    Ok I’m off on a tangent now and little time for that today. Hope your mom is on the mend, and I DO understand the need for a break.
    drezy and LieselK like this.
  19. Jenelle

    Jenelle Evolving

    @Phosphene I think about it all the time. I am right there, on the front lines, at one of the nicest places around here for elderly people to go when they need skilled nursing care. We are also a rehab facility ~ so I get a lot of people who are just out of the hospital, but not ready to go home yet.

    It is an excellent facility for what it is. I choose to drive an hour to get there, and an hour to get home. I even took a small pay cut to go there.

    But it still is what it is. And at times, it can be heartbreaking. Even at one of the very best.
    Phosphene, caroline and drezy like this.
  20. drezy

    drezy New Member

    I don't go on that much with how bad the situation has become over the last 2 years. It's even worse than I described.

    Most of the time I keep my focus on my little household. I can help there.

    It took me half of my life to realize that I just don't experience judgement, shame, or guilt anywhere near as much as most people. I don't think that is going to be a significant factor in my choices.

    Of course that raises the "narcissist" thread concept. That thread did not resonate much with me though. Or, maybe it wouldn't if someone were narcissistic<scratches head>.

    I think I'm pretty simple. If it doesn't serve a purpose and make me better able to be a father and husband I weed it out of my garden. At 12 I realized that giving a shit about what all but a select few think is an enormous waste of energy.

    If I were to get labeled as a "bad son" I don't think I'd bother explaining any of the situation. I've found that people quick to label desperately and deeply *need* to perceive others as bad. I wouldn't take that away from someone's psyche who probably needs it.

    Besides, I could probably rock a villain mustache.

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