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a new Sandy

Discussion in 'My Optimal Journal' started by sandy, Mar 15, 2012.

  1. sandy

    sandy New Member

    yesterday was pretty bad. I spent the day in fear of my son discovering I had taken his stash and going crazy. He slept til 315, and then decided he could not go to work because you are not supposed to work if you don't go to school. I highly doubt the school calls their employer! then he would not go to lacrosse practice for the same reason. Then yelled at me because he missed hockey(I was not sure he wanted to go so I did not tell him in time). Told my husband he had to come home right after work because I did not want to be alone with son, and he got disgusted with me. To top it off I felt like crap all day and just could not deal with it

    In the end, all of my fears were for nothing. My son either has not realized it is gone(although he has his bag with him- I wonder if he is dumb enough to take it to school) or has decided to not bring it up. I hope its the latter. The last time this happened he told me the stuff belonged to someone else, and that it was worth like $240 plus the kids pipe and grinder were another $80. So, I gave him back the pipe and grinder to give to the kid and the money to cover the pot because I thought it was someone elses- well, that was in his bag yesterday so he was obviously lying about the whole thing. He has also told me that he quit which must be another lie.

    at least he is at school today so I can breathe. and I think he is going out tonight so I won't have to worry except for the time in between. Next week is Easter vacation so that should be fun. NOT. I miss when they were younger and we would go to Tenn for break. Go to the smokies, and dollywood, the aquarium or zoo. they went white water rafting last time we went. That was in 09. Now they won't go anymore because they want to hang with their friends : (

    back on track today. had corned beef for breakfast. I know you don't think its good Darleen, but I can eat it in the morning and not be hungry or want to eat all day. It was that shake that screwed me up. I will have to check the package for msg.

    thanks for the visits Darleen and lina : )
  2. sandy

    sandy New Member

    good day food wise yesterday

    had corned beef for all 3 meals. I ate breakfast too late and am doing the same thing again today. : (

    did not get much done : (

    weight is 220 no shoes which is where it has been for the last couple of months
  3. sandy

    sandy New Member

    good day food wise yesterday. had corned beef(I checked and no MSG)

    still not getting anything done around here- ugh. wish I had some energy and motivation
  4. sandy

    sandy New Member

    managed to get a cool, not cold bath in yesterday

    stuck with the corned beef. also picked up some marscapone cheese. add a little stevia and that stuff is wonderful

    still a bit of loose stools but much better than before. going to up the hcl to 5 pills today and see if that helps

    going to lunch with mom and sis, then to nieces to see my favorite girls. they always make me smile

    sadly, my own boys won't be with me. one has to work and the other is mad at me again
  5. sandy

    sandy New Member

    easter- ate some corned beef and masc cheese for breakfast

    lunch- was not really hungry but mom was taking me out for my birthday/easter. ordered crab legs, broccoli and salad. ate the salad and brocc. tried to eat crab legs but they were so hard to get out of the shell that I quit trying. was pretty full but that did not last long. went to my nieces for easter and had some sausage. tried to play capture the flag with the kids but its pretty hard for a 220# woman to outrun little kids! it was fun tho. I love them. they make me feel great compared to my own family

    I think i may have had some corned beef later on that night- don't really remember

    monday- corned beef for breakfast. took the little kids out for ice cream and had a cheeseburger no bun

    had some corned beef for dinner. i am still getting hungry later at night because i dont eat enought during the day. went for an hour walk in short sleeves- it was pretty chilly- in the 40's and dark out

    today- scale was at about 218

    had corned beef for breakfast
  6. sandy

    sandy New Member

    so I screwed up on Tues. had corned beef for lunch and took 4 HCl. Got a horrible burning in my gut. my solution? eat potato chips. yeah, that took away the pain, but then I was in off the wagon mentality and got some lemon pound cake and cool whip. For some reason I could not get back on yesterday. had more chips, 2 chicken sandwiches and 4 choc easter eggs

    back on today. weight did not seem to take a hit. had corned beef for breakfast but took 2 hcl and 1 digestive enzyme

    just got back from an hour walk. its warm today. kind of uncomfortable

    so far this week I have walked 1:03, 1:00 and 1:06

    going to take a bath. just not sure if it will be warm or cold
  7. sandy

    sandy New Member

    yesterday- CB for breakfast, crab legs for late lunch. I am just not a seafood person. even with tons of butter, this just does not fill me up. ended up very hungry late at night. had about 4 ounces of marscapone. I just love that stuff

    took a hot bath. it was awesome

    took another 30 min walk with hub- it was chilly

    today, CB and MC for breakfast. still fighting the loose stools but afraid to up the HCl after what happened earlier this week

    weight is the same
  8. sandy

    sandy New Member

    yesterday- CB for breakfast, crab legs for late lunch. I am just not a seafood person. even with tons of butter, this just does not fill me up. ended up very hungry late at night. had about 4 ounces of marscapone. I just love that stuff

    took a hot bath. it was awesome

    took another 30 min walk with hub- it was chilly

    today, CB and MC for breakfast. still fighting the loose stools but afraid to up the HCl after what happened earlier this week

    weight is the same
  9. shilohman

    shilohman New Member

    Why don't you add some CO to your dinner? CO really knocks my hunger out.
  10. sandy

    sandy New Member

    shilo, I think it was the seafood. always have that problem, so it makes me sad that Jack pushes it

    weight same

    still have loose stools but much more manageable with the HCl

    yesterday, ate corned beef and marscapone. I really think I need to kick the cheese to the curb, sad. It just does not fill me up and its so damn good I could eat a whole container at once

    so far this week I have walked 1:03, 1:00 and 1:06, 33, 25. 1:05, and 1:00 and 23
  11. sandy

    sandy New Member

    screwed up yesterday. got hungry in the evening(I know I am not eating enough- its just hard to find things to eat with all the limitations) I had corned beef, but this particular one was tough and unenjoyable. also had some marscapone. I think I will quit buying that now that its gone. just seems to make me hungry.

    anyhow, hub was warming pizza and I just could not take the smell anymore. had about 3 pieces, and then got some candy eggs. ugh

    did take a 45 min cold bath- maybe that made me hungry. found a way to pass the time buy watching youtubes of old criminal minds episides : )

    walked about 1.5 hrs yesterday. my legs and butt hurt so i ended up using my heating pad. was hoping the cold bath would help but it didnt

    weight about the same. had corned beef. going for a walk soon
  12. skline@peak.org

    skline@peak.org New Member

    Good luck to you, Sandy, and all your good work.

    You said back at the beginning that you are a diet soda junkie -- have you got rid of that?

    The MSG (if any) in the corned beef and the aspartame (if it's that instead of splenda) in the diet soda are similar and both do very bad things to people -- carb cravings, sugar instability, emotional problems.

    Perhaps a different order of operations -- ditch the "excitogens" first, and then move into the cold thermogenesis?
  13. sandy

    sandy New Member

    have not gotten rid of the diet soda. I know I should. I just feel like I am making all these sacrifices as far as food and afraid giving up my love(yes, I LOVE my diet soda) will be enough to push me over the edge. I will give it up eventually. I am just not mentally ready yet. I am probably going to get a soda stream and sweeten with stevia

    felt like I hardly ate yesterday. just some corned beef and a few pieces of bacon. went for a 56 min walk. it was so hot I came home and iced myself while I watched criminal minds(my other addiction). did not have time for a bath

    scale was kind this morning- about 216

    had a very solid bm this morning so that HCl must be working.

    last week I walked 1:03, 1:00 and 1:06, 33, 25. 1:05, and 1:00 and 23 and 56

    had corned beef for brekkie

    taxes today. I am a huge procrastinator! ugh

    will go for a walk. it seems very chilly and windy out so that will be some CT
  14. skline@peak.org

    skline@peak.org New Member

    That stuff that you "love" will do in everything else you try till you get on top of the problem.

    Suggestion: What kind of "diet soda" are you in love with? If it's aspartame (nutrasweet), then change to splenda. Then go to soda water with some kind of real sugar such as honey ("bee puke", as doc calls it). Then ease off the sugar.

    The whole "diet soda" idea is the problem. Any sweet taste will get your brain expecting sugar. If you then don't give it any sugar, it goes sort of crazy wanting this and that, looking for the energy supply the taste promised it.

    Check your corned beef and be sure it has no MSG in it. It screws with your neurotransmitters.

    They say giving up aspartame is as bad as going off some hard drugs, but it can be done.

    People who say they could never POSSIBLY give up their bread (or other baked goods) are in a similar pickle -- the wheat has "opioids" in it which are addictive.

    Be courageous. Move on, don't keep that monkey on your back. You'll be rewarded.
  15. sandy

    sandy New Member

    PDL- love your tough love and I know you are right. I've just been doing this for so many years(been low carbing since 1998) that I know what my triggers are. Right now I can basically eat .. fatty meat. Veggies sometimes trigger, creamy dairy can trigger, fruit is definitely out. I don't like seafood, and Dr K says fowl is fowl. I have been living on corned beef, and honestly, I don't even really like meat. I'm just not ready to give up my pacifier. But, I have progressed to the point where I know the soda needs to go eventually. In the past I thought there was absolutely nothing wrong with it. I love the fizziness. My throat tends to get gooked up and water just does not cut it. I've tried sparkling water and its so bitter. I honestly can get a little panicky when I know I am running out of soda in the house.

    I've been able to quit smoking in the past(I currently use an ecig because of stress with my kids), I quit drinking(and I used to be a pretty heavy drinker), I could care less about wheat, bread pasta. But the sugar and diet soda are hard to crack for me!

    My corned beef does not have MSG(yay)

    yesterday was good. only ate corned beef. still getting hungry at night because I can't get enough meat down during the day

    went for a walk yesterday. 1:05. It was so cold my hands turned purple and then got red spots on them

    no cold bath

    scale was 215 today. happy about that
  16. sandy

    sandy New Member

    started out yesterday with CB. Then on to tackle the dreaded taxes. I am such a procrastinator.

    Did the stress get me? I don't know. suddenly there was a demand for carbs. ate the rest of a bag of chips and 2 choc easter eggs. followed up later with crackers and peanut butter. sigh

    no walk or bath. between the taxes and yesterday being criminal minds marathon on ION, I did not get them in

    back to it today. CB for brekkie. going for a walk soon. maybe follow up with a bath

    I am so unmotivated. I wake up every day around 7, but lay there and daydream for an hour or two. Guess I need to daydream myself out of my ****ty life

    got into it last night with my husband. He want to let our 17 year old go to Mexico with his friend. This kid has been smoking pot in our house, brought pot on a hockey trip I took him on with the intent to sell(well that was his story anyhow), had it in the car where it stunk up the car and I was afraid I would get pulled over. When he discovered that I took it, he went mental, pushed me, broke a 46 in flat screen, poured bleach on my carpet in 2 rooms, and broke my steam cleaner. Then he took $200 from my purse. plus made me pay for the rest of the pot under the story that it belonged to someone else and he had to pay them back. He has also put holes in 2 doors, broken a coat tree, my laptop, a regular tv, and more. This kid calls me a bitch, cunt, fat whore. I can barely have a conversation with him without him going mental. oh yeah, he broke both car windows of my car. and has thrown a 6 pack of water bottles into the car door causing a dent. The night that he broke everything, he ran away in the middle of the night. It was about 20 degrees and he was sending me messages about how I would be happy when he was dead. I had to call the cops and we were out all night looking for him. My husband has never seen a need to discipline him in any way for any of this(I can't because I am afraid of the kid), and now he is mad because he thinks we should let him go to Mexico. I think he is nuts and am furious with him. we don't see eye to eye on how to raise the kids at all. I guess this is why I daydream so much. when I do, I have a perfect life, LOL
  17. sandy

    sandy New Member

    started out well. had CB for breakfast and late lunch. took an hour walk. it was a bit warm so I took a 45 min cool bath. went to sons lacrosse game. left early to watch the new criminal minds episode(our team was killing theirs and my son was not playing much anyhow, because the coach was playing the newer kids, so I dont feel guilty! LOL) Got ravenous laying in bed. pulled out the crackers and PB. sigh. I KNOW I am not eating enough during the day, but I just can't stomach any more meat at a sitting. I suppose it could have been the bath that got me hungry. This happened last time I took one too.

    my precious corned beef is gone. Hope I can find more now that st pattys is over with. had chicken sausage for breakfast- a little over 40 grams of protein.

    was going to take a walk but its raining now. hope it stops soon

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